


The Park

by SleepingReader



Series: YouTuber Jaskier [3]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Animator Ciri, Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Teenage Ciri, YouTube, YouTuber Jaskier, Youtuber Geralt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29848578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepingReader/pseuds/SleepingReader
Summary: 'Ok, so...The first thing you need to know, is that this wasn't a pretty park to begin with.' the YouTuber named Jaskier said to the slightly shaky camera, teetering on its tri-pod. Jaskier looked as if he had gone through a lot. His hair was wet and there were large smudges on his face. There was a large gust of wind, and his tri-pod fell over. A loud 'FUCK' could be heard over the wind and the crashing of the camera against the dry grass.Jaskier's intro played. A quick medieval tune, mixed in with dubstep.'Good evening. Today we will be fixing this brick wall in this run-down park.' The YouTuber named Rivia told the camera, which was being held by his teenage daughter Ciri. Ciri zoomed in on the wall. A small cartoon horse gallopped along its jagged edge, a special Ciri touch. Rivia's intro played. A single piano note, and a fluidly animated logo.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: YouTuber Jaskier [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710067
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	The Park

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Septemberschildren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septemberschildren/gifts), [TinyThoughts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyThoughts/gifts).



> For Tammy and Panda <3

'Ok, so...The first thing you need to know, is that this wasn't a pretty park to begin with.' the YouTuber named Jaskier said to the slightly shaky camera, teetering on its tri-pod. Jaskier looked as if he had gone through a lot. His hair was wet and there were large smudges on his face. There was a large gust of wind, and his tri-pod fell over. A loud 'FUCK' could be heard over the wind and the crashing of the camera against the dry grass.  
Jaskier's intro played. A quick medieval tune, mixed in with dubstep.

'Good evening. Today we will be fixing this brick wall in this run-down park.' The YouTuber named Rivia told the camera, which was being held by his teenage daughter Ciri. Ciri zoomed in on the wall. A small cartoon horse gallopped along its jagged edge, a special Ciri touch. Rivia's intro played. A single piano note, and a fluidly animated logo.

…….

It wasn't a pretty park to begin with. It was more of a forest, really, but so many things had been built and demolished and done there that everyone called it The Park anyway. And it wasn't pretty. Sure, it was larger than your normal park, but the grass was dry, the trees were bare already in the beginning of autumn. The long summer hadn't done it any good, and the lack of rain and general care by the neighbourhood hadn't helped its case. Therefore, it was the perfect sort of park to do weird stuff in without being seen or cared for. Teenagers hung out near the old playground. An Avatar cosplay group used the large sandy hill as a desert setting once for photoshoots. It was said that the military did some survival stuff at night here, where they were far more likely to be spooked by the teenagers than any real stuff. 

And Julian Alfred Pankraz, known to his fans as Jaskier, was hammering in his tri-pod extra firmly. The sandy ground seemed to cough it up every time Jaskier attempted to stick it in further. He regretted not asking Triss or Priscilla to help him this time, but they had both been busy with their own channels.   
He also had seen that Valdo Marx had put up another apology video, riddled with ads. Which meant it was high time for the collective viewers to see something happy. And that meant doing his famed 5 minute crafts. Sadly, due to an incident involving a roasted turkey, a firecracker and a very curly wig, his office was temporarily unavailable. At least, until they got the wasps out of the ceiling.  
  
So here he was, in the park. On his own. Doing five minute crafts. About camping.  
And it went… surprisingly well. Of course the background noises got in the way sometimes.   
Of course he did some extra dramatics for effect, but making the fire out of a water-filled bag went great in the afternoon sun, the cooking-an-egg using a cup and the sock for an oven glove worked as well, even if he really did burn his hand trying to get the cup out of the fire to prove a point.   
He even tried to distil the water from the small algae-filled pond nearby, but an airplane flew overhead and he had to cut that recording.  
All in all, he was doing a good job.  
  
Until he came to the part where the lady made a hammock out of plastic film, using some trees as a base. The trees were easily found, five trees in a semi-circle, each about a meter apart. They had white crosses on them, set for demolishing anyway. So Jaskier decided to use them for his hammock life hack.  
What he hadn't expected, was that the trees were rather bendy. And as the cling-film took his weight, the trees started to bend inwards. Quite rapidly. His knees nearly hit his forehead as he was practically sandwiched between the clingfilm.  
What he also hadn't expected was a large millipede.   
What he HAD expected directly after seeing said millipede was that it would fall directly into his crotch.  
The millipede fell directly into his crotch.  
Jaskier screamed.

Geralt of Rivia had just started setting up his sand and cement mortar. Meanwhile, Ciri fiddled with the settings of the camera while humming what sounded like a medieval dubstep.   
Geralt recognised it as the intro tune to another YouTube channel, one dedicated to being as chaotic as possible.  
  
Ciri nodded 'Action', and they were off.  
'Good evening. Today we will be fixing this brick wall in this run-down park.' Geralt said, looking into the camera, and rolling up his shirt-sleeves.   
'We will start with brushing down the-'  
An airplane flew overhead. Ciri clapped her hands to cut the video. They waited for the airplane to pass. Ciri nodded again.  
'We will start with brushing down the wall. Here.' Geralt showed his heavy-bristled brush, and starting to brush down the mossy wall. Chunks of moss and brick dust flew in the air.   
'Then we will start mixing our AAACHOO.' Geralt sneezed in the middle of his sentence as a well-placed gust of wind blew the dust directly up his nose. Ciri laughed, her camera shaking.  
'Dad, you sneeze like a dad! Do that louder and you'll have the whole park thinking you're their dad!'  
Geralt grinned at her, the special grin he reserved only for her.   
'Just cut it'  
'Can I put it in the bloopers? Please?'  
'Hmm. Fine.'  
Ciri pumped her fist in quiet celebration before taking her position and nodding for action.  
'Now I'm mixing my sand cement mortar, which isn't much but it'll-' A dog barked.   
They waited for it to finish.   
They started.   
A kid cried.   
They waited for it to finish.   
Ciri could see her dad get less and less patient and more and more Done With This.  
'As you can see, the wall is- '  
There was a loud scream.  
'FUCK.' Geralt swore, picking up his bristled brush and strode to the source of the offending sound.

He found what looked to be a large cocoon of plastic wrap with an idiot stuck inside.  
'Hey, dipshit, I'm trying to be goddamn fucking relaxing here and you're screaming like you've got your dick cut off.' he shouted at the cocoon, nudging it with his brush.  
'Aa! Stop that! And trust me, you won't have to wait for long for that to happen, please help me.' A very scared voice came out of the cocoon.  
  
Geralt looked inside. His suspicions had been correct, there had been an idiot in there.  
But it was one he recognised.   
The bright blue eyes and the dark swooshy hair that always seemed to be somehow dusty by the end of every video, the paint-stained pants. The dandelion tattoo on the wrist that was currently wedged between the guy's forehead and his knee.   
He knew this idiot.  
'Fuck. CIRI!'  
'What?' Ciri said, running up to the cocoon, her camera safely in her bag.  
'It's five minute craft guy'  
Ciri peeked in the cocoon as well. 'Oh whoa, Jaskier. Hi!'  
Jaskier waved meekly. 'Hi. Listen, I'd love to get to know both of you better, but…'  
Jaskier looked down at his crotch region. Geralt and Ciri followed his gaze.   
There was a large millipede on Jaskier's crotch, and while neither Geralt or Ciri was particularly afraid of millipedes, it did have a somewhat evil gaze.  
'What do you want _me_ to do about it?' Geralt asked.  
'I don't know! Grab it or something! Just get it off!'  
'Gross.' Ciri said cheerfully.  
Jaskier rolled his eyes so hard it hurt.   
Geralt sighed and grabbed the millipede. He threw it to the side.  
'There. The evil is banished.'  
Jaskier was blushing. But after none of them said anything  
'Uuuh, sorry, but…'  
'He's stuck.' Geralt said to Ciri.  
'You're stuck.' Ciri told Jaskier.  
'I'm stuck.' Jaskier admitted.

Taking Jaskier down was harder than expected. The trees had bent down so tight that Jaskier's butt was hovering above the ground.  
Eventually, Geralt got his knife out and cut down the film on the tree, making the tree snap back and making Jaskier land hard on the floor.  
He clambered up, knocking down his tri-pod in the process and ran a hand through his hair. The static electricity from the cling film made it stick to his forehead.  
'Thank you so much. I'm really sorry I fucked up your recordiii..- Hey, don't I know you?'  
'We have a YouTube channel too!' Ciri said. 'I think we met at VidCon at one point as well?'  
'Oh, right! The Rivia's! Sorry, it was a bit hard seeing you from the previous angle.' Jaskier said, grinning and shaking both their hands after making sure Geralt's was millipede-free.  
'You still do those cool animations?' He asked Ciri, who grinned and nodded enthusiastically.  
'I keep thinking I need a new logo, might hit you up for that one day.' Jaskier said, mostly to himself.  
'Trade you for an intro tune.' Ciri said, winking at her dad. Jaskier nodded enthusiastically and the two exchanged e-mails.  
Then Jaskier turned his attention to Geralt.  
'Thanks, uh. For the save.'  
'Don't mention it.'  
'You recording?'  
'Hm.' Geralt said in affirmation.  
'Can I come see?' Jaskier asked, picking up his fallen tripod.

…….

'And that's how you fix a wall. Tune in next time for the proper way to install a new lock. Hope you've found this instructive. Good night.' Geralt said.  
'And don't forget to subscribe and turn on notifications' Ciri added, keeping to the script of their traditional outro.  
'Right, that too.'  
Ciri clapped to end the recording.  
Geralt, at this point, had warmed up to Jaskier even more. He knew what he was talking about, and he had done a great job of keeping the recording going. It had gone smoothly after Jaskier had turned up. He had not only used his people-skills to stop an entire group of ladies from walking over to Geralt, he had also played plane-spotter for a bit so Geralt wouldn't be in the middle of a sentence while it flew overhead. For as far as Geralt was concerned, it had been a near-perfect recording.  
  
'So I guess this is it?' Jaskier said, as Ciri and Geralt started clearing up.  
'I guess. Gotta go home, walk the dog.'  
'Right, the dog, yeah. Well, then. See you around, Geralt. Ciri.'  
Ciri elbowed Geralt in the ribs so hard that he coughed.  
'Dad, I think Roach and I should have some girl-time. Don't you?' she said, before striding off purposefully and flipping him off when he started to follow her.  
Geralt sighed. He knew when he'd been beat.   
'Do you need help with that camera?' He asked Jaskier, whose entire being seemed to lighten up.  
Right on cue, his tri-pod fell down.

…

'So the video is saying that I need to put pillows and blankets in a kiddie pool and nap in that, but that's boring so what if we put it in the pond?' Jaskier said, throwing a pillow and a sheet in a kiddie pool and dragging it to the frog-filled pond. 

Behind the camera, Geralt fought back a smile. He failed, and Jaskier caught it, smiling at him as well. He quickly realised what he was doing and clapped his hands to cut.  
'Unscripted. Impressive' Geralt said.  
Jaskier grinned, showing Geralt his phone. The only thing on the screen was a grocery list of stuff he needed and a link to the Five Minute Crafts YouTube video.  
'I took a few improv classes but the rest is all me.'  
Geralt huffed a laugh.

  
Jaskier continued his video, ending up waist-deep in the pond and with a lot of algae on his head. He grabbed his pillow as it floated by.  
'Do you think my eggs are done?' he said, while the algae slimed slimily down his shoulder and plopped back into the water.  
Geralt cut the video.  
'You know…' he said, feeling a little chaotic himself, 'I think I know how we can cause a small wildfire without causing any harm.'  
Jaskier's grin got impossibly wider.  
It hadn't been a pretty park to begin with.

As Jaskier patted himself dry and rubbed the ashes out of his hair, Geralt and he got to actually talking.   
How they got into video making and YouTube.  
Geralt explained: 'My dad always taught me how to build stuff but I figured not everyone has a dad like that. Never expected to get so big in the ASMR community. Plus, people like Ciri's animations.'  
'Are you kidding? The animations are the best part! That little pitbull is always my favourite. The way she pops in and out of frame everytime you talk about 'treating' old things with care?' He put his fingers to his mouth in an imitation of a Chef's kiss.  
Geralt smiled slightly. 'That's our dog, Roach. She does that in real life, too.'  
  
They talked some more after Jaskier recorded a very chaotic intro in which Geralt waved a sheet of cardboard off-screen that caused a strong enough wind to knock over Jaskier's tri-pod.

Before either of them knew it, they were sitting down at KFC, eating chicken and talking about… everything.   
From their regular lives (which involved lots of cleaning on Jaskier's part), to their pets (Jaskier owned a Corgi named Essi) to their significant others (none, to the mild delight of both) to new ideas for their videos.  
Geralt mentioned repairing a broken Louboutin shoe that his ex had brought in.  
Jaskier explained how he never really got into the whole brainstorming thing.  
'I have really bad impulse control, so I made it my job.' he explained.  
'Better not tell my brothers about that. Lambert would have made his own bomb and set it off in his own kitchen if he found out it could get him paid.' Geralt said.  
Jaskiers eyes lit up with an idea.  
'I'll give him a call.' Geralt said, smirking.

….

A few weeks later, one of Jaskier's new video's went viral, this time with a whole new animated logo.  
It was set in the same park. It was called 'Meeting the future in-laws'  
The yeast bomb Jaskier, Geralt and Eskel made together with Vesemir caused a permanent stain on the grass. It went up four meters high on five surrounding trees that had once held a cocoon of an idiot and a millipede.

  
It hadn't been a pretty park to begin with.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
